What Could Have Been
by enchantedandwonderstruck
Summary: Tate believes he loves Violet more than anything but is Violet actually there?
1. Chapter 1

He looked at her through the shadows. She was on her bed listening to music through her headphones and knowing her, it was probably Nirvana. All of his thoughts were surrounded by darkness only found within his soul. He lurked only a few meters away from her. She could not see him for he did not want to be seen, yet. He loved the way her hair fell down her back, straight and soft and how it enclosed her face in a waterfall of brown locks. Her head bobbed up and down in a continuous motion to the beat of her music. He smiled. It was such a natural thing to do. Her back moved up and down as her breaths went in and out. For once, she actually looked happy. Her lips were slightly parted, moist, and her hands turned the pages of her magazine with a delicate precision. She was completely rapt in her music and the words on the pages. She did not hear her mother calling her name. She didn't even hear the knock on her door and when her mother walked in and tapped on her shoulder there was fright evident in her beautiful, worn, brown eyes.

"Mom, god, what do you want?"

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Apart from the fact that you scared the shit out of me, yes, I am fine."

"Is the house okay? Do you like it?"

"Yeah Mom, it's great." Her mother gave a tired smile and started exiting the room.

"Violet?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you honey."

"Love you too Mom." She rolled her eyes and turned on her back flipping another page of her magazine.

She still hadn't unpacked all of her boxes from moving in a week before and he wanted to help unpack them, to see what she had and what defined her. He had already taken an interest in her. She liked good music, she was mysterious and she did not take shit from anyone – his dream girl. He just wanted to be with her _without_ being invisible. Today she was finally getting around to unpacking her boxes. She was unpacking her clothes. She smiled when she pulled out a small sweater. It looked as though it was from her childhood. She put it on and it tugged at her chest and showed her navel. He stood in shock at how beautifully sexy she was. He should not be thinking about her that way. He would never be able to do anything with her. His face dropped at this realization and he let down his guard. He heard a sudden gasp and quickly looked up to see what had made Violet react this way. He quickly realized that it was him – he had become visible. She stood in shock but this gorgeous, blonde curly haired boy standing in front of her also intrigued her greatly. She smiled at him. He smiled too; finally seeing her smile had definitely been the highlight of his life. She was so stunning when she smiled. The way her eyes scrunched together at their corners and how a dimple appeared in her left cheek.

"Who are you?" She inquired taking a step backward.

"Um, hi. I'm Tate." He replied with a half smile.

"Well, Tate, what are you doing in my room?"

"I was just on my way out. Sorry to bother you." He hung his head awkwardly and made for the door.

"No. Wait! Stay, please." She seemed embarrassed to have asked such a question. She blushed ever so slightly. He turned around and closed his eyes sighing at the fact that he would be able to spend some time with Violet.

"Sure." He said. He showed almost every tooth in his mouth when he smiled although it was a pained, worn, tired smile. It was only ever sincere in the company of Violet, but she didn't know that yet. He also had dimples and his eyes sparkled. His hair brushed the tops of his brows and was relatively curly and blonde. He was tall and sort of skinny but extremely toned and _very_ attractive.

"Tell me the real reason why you're here Tate. You're obviously not supposed to be here." She asked him sitting cross-legged on her bed. She was scared but fascinated by the mysteriousness of Tate.

"If I did I'd have to kill you Violet." He stated, shrugging his shoulders.

"How do you know my name?"

"Observation."

"Come on! I don't scare easy." She pushed.

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, you'd call the cops and then _you'd_ be sent to a mental institution. Doesn't sound fun does it?"

"What if I promise not to? Come on Tate, tell me." When she said his name shivers pulsed down his spine. He was trying very hard to be good when all he wanted was to be bad, right there, with Violet.

"Do you pinky swear?" He reached his hand out pointing his littlest finger towards Violet. She took it with hers and smiled, blushing. "I turn myself invisible so that I can watch you. I saw you moving in and thought you were...well, beautiful." She stared at him in shock for a minute or two and then started laughing throwing her head back.

"You're crazy! If you can "go invisible", show me!" She said sarcastically though Tate could see that she believed him however much she didn't want to. Suddenly Tate disappeared and Violet went silent scanning her bedroom for any sign of Tate. He saw the look of realization on her face from her windowsill. He grinned. "Oh my god. That is so cool!" He reappeared and she applauded him with a few succinct claps. "How long have you known you could do that?"

"Ever since I can remember I guess." He sighed and looked out the window and saw the birds flying between the branches in the trees. "Do you ever wonder if there _is_ somewhere we go after we die?"

"I believe that we're dead even when we're living." She looked at him with an intense yearning. She felt as though he understood her even if they had only known each other for a few minutes. She didn't realize but she had splayed her arms out on her legs. It was in that moment that Tate noticed the scars that edged up her forearm. His face turned from a calm thinker to overly concerned.

"Vi, what are those?" He asked quickly maneuvering himself to the bed and sitting down next to her. She quickly covered the scars up and stood up away from Tate blushing from the fact that he had called her _Vi_.

"I think it's time that you go now." She stated opening her bedroom door.

"I'll see you around." He disappeared before going through the threshold and Violet felt a sense of longing to be with him again.


	2. Chapter 2

Tate had lied to Violet. He could not "turn himself invisible"; he was a ghost that had mastered the art of _disappearing_. He sighed as he lingered in the basement waiting for the next time that he could see Violet. He didn't know how long he'd been dead for. He guessed it could have had to have been a long time as he'd seen many families come and go from this house. It could also be the fact that all the families were scared of something that was present in the house. Tate laughed at his own little joke. Of course he didn't like the fact that he scared people away and sometimes even killed them but it had been worth it to finally have someone in the house that he could be himself around – if he hadn't already freaked her out of course. She was at school right now, it being one of the rare occasions that she actually _did_ attend. Tate was sitting on the carpet in her room contemplating what Violet and him could get up to in her newly decorated room. A cheeky smiled played on his lips and he closed his eyes spreading himself out over the floor. He let out a deep sigh and pictured Violet's eyes locked with his.

_He was twirling a lock of her hair around his finger and she would smile at the gesture. She would say – _

_"Tate?" And he would reply with – _

_"Yeah Vi?" _

_"Do you love me?" Tate would take a sharp breath and then give her a half smile teasing her cheek. _

_"I love you more than anything Violet." She would start to breathe again and then decide curl up in his lap. He would wrap his arms around her as if he'd never let her go. She would look up at his lips and lick her own not even knowing she was doing it. He'd lean his head down and press his lips gently to hers and she would untangle herself from him and wrap her arms around his neck. The kiss would deepen and eventually Tate would be on top of Violet just kissing her and caressing her soft thigh. Violet would take a sharp intake of breath as she felt something she never had before – lust. _

Tate heard movement downstairs. _Shit,_ he thought. The noises got clearer and it sounded like someone was crying. _Oh no, it better not be Violet. She can't cry and taint her beautiful, delicate face_. Footsteps trudged up the stairs and her familiar dark blonde hair waved past the doorway. Tate heard a door slam ran after her. He could hear her heavy breathing and sobs. All he could think of doing was comforting her, but he couldn't, they barely knew each other. He could not think straight. Violet was in her bathroom doing horrible things to herself. All she could think about was what those girls had said to her. It was the same in every school, the 'popular' girls got off on teasing Violet just because she was different, because she liked different music. She didn't understand why girls were so ruthless, why they had to be so mean and arrogant. Why did there need to be a hierarchy in high school? Her blood pooled around her wounds as her sorrow flushed out of her system. This was the only way she could feel better. There were many battle wounds up her arms and she could remember the story for each and every one of them. Her tears began to dry up and so did her scars. She pulled her sweater sleeve over them and unlocked the bathroom door. She walked out wiping her eyes dry trying to hide any evidence of self-pity.

She strode into her room straight towards her iPod dock and pressed play. _Riot_ by _Bullet for My Valentine_ came on and she cranked up the volume. Tate lingered in the corner trying so hard not to show himself to her. She lay on her bed and took in the words of the song.

_Are you ready it's time for war, break down these fucking doors, smash the windows, tear down the walls, we won't stop till it's all destroyed…_

She smiled and closed her eyes. She liked the sounds of waging war on those stuck up bitches that thought it was all right to insult her. She would show them.

"Violet, what the hell are you thinking? Snap out of it!" She said angrily to herself. She knew what she desired was wrong but it didn't stop her from thinking about it. Tate then decided he couldn't wait any longer.

"What do you need to snap out of?" Violet screamed and nearly fell off of the bed.

"Shit. Tate, you scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry, I'll try not to next time. So, what is wrong Vi?"

"Why do you care?"

"I…I don't know." He hung his head. Why _did_ he care? He liked Violet; he liked her a lot but is that why he cared?

"It doesn't matter. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to see you."

"How'd you get in?"

"Basement door was unlocked."

"Oh."

"How was school?"

"Oh it was _fantastic_. School is the best thing in my life and when I have to leave it will be the most terrifying and haunting experience of my life."

"You can actually _smell_ the sarcasm. Why's it so bad?"

"Ugh, it doesn't matter. Do you know how to play chess?"

"You wouldn't want to play chess with me. I'm too good for your own good."

"Is that a challenge Tate?"

"It could've been." Violet dug through a box underneath her bed and pulled out an old chess set that her father had given he as a present when she was ten. "Antic. Nice."

"Shut up." She replied pushing him the chest. _Woah_, even the slightest contact with her sent ripples of shivers through his presence – you couldn't really say bones because he didn't have any anymore. She smiled and sat down placing the board between her and Tate. She signalled for him to sit across from her and began setting up the board. She looked up at him and smiled. For once she was actually happy being around someone. He made her happy somehow. Tate gave Violet a little half-smile and moved his first pawn. "Tate?"

"Yeah Vi?"

"Where do you go when you aren't here?"

"Somewhere far away."


	3. Chapter 3

They spent around ten minutes playing chess and Tate had checkmate on Violet in eight moves. She smiled when she realized knocking over her king in defeat.

"I told you." Tate stated with a shrug of his shoulders. Violet couldn't help but notice that how a dimple appeared on his left cheek as he smiled and how his shirt tugged at all the right places.

"Well, I'll beat you at something. I know it."

"I'd _love_ to see you try." He winked at her and Violet felt like melting – although she would never have admitted it. Violet stood up and straightened her dress out and rearranged her hair framing her face. "Vi."

"Yeah Tate?" She said looking up at him with that smile of hers that made Tate want to kiss every last inch of her body.

"Sorry, I lost my train of thought." He mentally slapped himself. How could he feel so strongly for someone he knew nothing about? Violet went and sat on her bed.

"Last time you were here you asked me about these." She stated pulling the sleeve of her sweater up exposing her scars. "They're what you think they are. I, um…" She pointed at one and told Tate the story behind it. He smiled then drew the sleeve of his shirt up and bared his arm.

"I did these when my mother moved in the man-whore next door and I couldn't have a say in whether I wanted to or not. I hated him – I still do." Violet pointed at another one.

"I did this when the town slut decided she would bag me out in front of the whole school and accuse me of 'sluttery'. Fucking psychopath." Tate took in a sharp breath. His eyes widened at the word but he couldn't figure out why.

"When'd you start?" He asked, looking concerned.

"When I was about fourteen. You?"

"Fifteen." He reached over and fondled Violet's arm. She gasped but didn't pull away like he thought she would. Tate ran his finger along her scars just wishing that she didn't feel like she had to do this to herself. He wished she didn't feel as much pain as she had. "I wish you hadn't felt this much pain Vi. It's wrong. That's what you were doing in the bathroom today, hey? What was the reason today."

"Some chick at my new school believes that she's better than everyone else. You know, the typical slut, queen bee, popular kid. Whatever you want to call her. Anyways, I was smoking and apparently her grandfather had had lung cancer and so she took offence to it. Big deal – she believes that doing cocaine is better than smoking, yeah right. Idiot. So she picked a fight with me. I may act like shit doesn't hurt me but it does. She called me stuff and I didn't like it and then I burned her with my cigarette. Ha-ha, should've seen the look on her face. Completely shocked, it was fucking priceless."

"Just so you know, I would never do anything to hurt you. Ever."

"Thanks Tate." Violet had a confused look on her face. No on had ever said anything like that to her before. Was he sincere? Or was he just trying to get in to her pants? She couldn't tell. To be honest he was the only boy she'd ever really hung around. She'd always been kind of a loner. Of course she was used to it by now but it was nice to have someone that understood her.

There were still a couple of boxes that Violet hadn't unpacked and Tate wondered what could be in them.

"What're in those boxes?"

"More clothes, some records and private stuff."

"What records?"

"Well I haven't seen any of my Strokes' albums yet so I'm guessing those, Nirvana, Bullet for my Valentine, Black Sabbath, Evanescence yada yada yada."

"You have good taste."

"Thank you."

There were footsteps coming up the stairs and Tate started to feel anxious. Violet saw it and assured him that everything would be all right. There were a few knocks on her door and she answered. Dr Harmon, Violet's Dad, walked in.

"Hey Vi…who's this?"

"Dad, this is Tate, Tate this is my Dad."

"Pleasure to meet you sir." Tate stated holding out his right hand in an act of pleasantry. Dr Harmon took it and gave it a quick shake and then turned to Violet.

"I was going to ask if you'd like to come to the store with me but I can see that you're busy. Be safe honey."

"Yes, ok, I promise. Bye Dad." Dr Harmon gave Tate another glance not quite sure whether or not Tate was suitable for his daughter. He couldn't quite decipher if Tate was 'normal' or not. Violet needed some normality in her like and all Dr Harmon wanted was for some nice boy to sweep Violet off of her feet. _This could help her_ Dr Harmon thought quietly to himself while making the trip downstairs.

When Violet had closed the door behind Dr Harmon's back she turned around to find Tate splayed over her bed like it was his own. She shrugged and made her way over to it. Tate was staring at the ceiling; obviously something had gotten his attention. She smiled and made him move over with a shove to his side. Tate tensed at her touch but Violet did not notice.

"So, Tate, what do you do when you're not here? What school do you go to?"

"I used to go to … high school but I had to transfer."

"I go there. It's a shithole. Obviously you've _seen _the bathrooms. I mean they're a good place to smoke but other than that, absolute scum."

"I agree." Tate smiled at Violet and they locked eyes. Tate couldn't help but notice the hundred different shades of brown that enveloped Violet's eyes. They were almost black near her irises and then fanned out to almost golden. They were beautiful. Violet noticed that Tate's eyes were black. She'd never seen black eyes before. They were gorgeous but frightening at the same time. _Like Lucifer_ she thought. "I like birds." Violet laughed.

"Why?"

"They're free. They are free to do whatever they want. They're brilliant."

"I think I just developed a new appreciation for birds. Thanks Tate."

"You're welcome Vi."


	4. Chapter 4

Violet knew within her hearts that something dark, mysterious and mischievous dwelled behind Tate's seemingly kind façade but she did not care. He got her. They were alike and she did not have to be afraid of being her true self around him. Whenever Violet saw Tate her heart skipped a beat and she fought hard within herself to stifle a wonderstruck giggle. She had never been so smitten about any boy or anything in general and she had never been so happy about seeing or socialising with someone. It just was not in her nature to be like that.

Tate could not believe the feelings that he experienced when he was around Violet. Normally people repulsed him and were repulsed _by_ him. He hated attention and he despised people around him. With Violet it was like nothing else in the world could ever possibly make him feel the way he did about her. Violet was now the only thing worth living for – well, not literally.

Violet had just come back from school – the first time she'd been in a week and her and Tate were sitting on her floor playing checkers. Tate always chose the black pieces leaving Violet with the red. For once Tate wasn't _letting_ Violet win; she was winning off her own accord. Tate's anger was evident but frankly he was also quite amused.

"I do _not_ see how you could be winning right now." He teased her. "Just, how?"

"Pure skill." She replied with a half-smile and a slight wink.

"Don't do that." Tate remarked.

"Do what?" Violet asked, confused.

"Do that half-smile and wink a the _same_ time."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Tate was suddenly embarrassed.

"For God's sake Tate. Just tell me."

"You…you…God, you just look so…"

"So…what, Tate?"

"So goddamn beautiful Violet." Violet gasped and tried miserably not to blush. Emotions ran through her like a wild stallion and an open plain. Tate hung his head in shame. _Smooth_, he thought to himself.

"You…you think I'm beautiful?" Violet asked, extremely flattered.

"Yes, you are so beautiful Vi. Whenever I see you, for a few moments I am lost for words."

"Whoa…thank you Tate." She smiled at him and reached out and squeezed his hand. Tate breathed in sharply. "It's ok." Violet edged closer to him and he could feel her breath on his chest.

"Please Vi, stop." He leaned away from her. "Not like this." She scoffed and sat back in her place. For once she was trying to go out of her shell and he snapped her right back in.

"Well I win anyways. Maybe you should go now."

"You're beautiful Violet." Tate said sweetly as he trudged out of her room.

Violet looked on after him and felt tears well in her eyes. How could she have been so stupid? What guy would ever want her? He was just saying it to be nice. He didn't really mean it, did he? She started crying. No one had ever called her beautiful and the first boy to do it didn't even really like her. What had she been thinking that someone might actually care for her, that someone may actually care about her feelings, someone who wanted her? It's not like her parents did. They could not see how unhappy she was. They could not see how she never wanted to leave her house back in the warmth. She didn't want to just pack everything up and leave because her father was an absolute idiot and her mother lost her baby. They had never even asked her about her feelings, about her desires. She was so angry at them, at herself, at everything. She ran into the bathroom and locked the door. She fumbled around for the razor blades she'd stolen from her Dad. Tears streamed down her face and she struggled to pull her sleeves up. She slit a section of her arm right down near her wrist and as soon as she felt the blood pool she felt better. She slit another half a centimetre up from the first wound and let all the bad flow out of her body in the form of her blood. Tears drops masked the basin and blood droplets skimmed down to the drain. Violet slumped to the ground in defeat and cried. She had not done this in a long time and she got even angrier for falling to self-pity. She banged her head against the wall, anything to help her forget. She hated her parents, she hated the baby for dying and she hated Tate.

"I hate all of you." She said under her breath.

Tate watched from behind the shower curtain. His eyes were wet with tears. He wished he could help her. He hated seeing her damage herself the way she did and she did it so often. Sometimes she would reopen wounds just to _feel_. Violet's body wretched with wet sobs and he couldn't do anything about it. Even when she had reached out to him he had rejected her. It was his fault she was like this right now. _It's my entire fault, how am I going to get her back now?_ He thought, wiping away a tear that rolled down his cheek. He'd wanted so bad so kiss her. To taste, what he imagined, the sweet lushness or her pink lips, to explore her body and hold her tightly. He wanted to lay in bed with her and whisper how long he had been waiting for her to come along. He wanted to tell her what he was. He wanted to be with her forever and now she would never let him back in. But how can a ghost and a human be together forever?

Violet stood up and turned on the tap. Her gashes stung as she washed them out but that was all part of the process. She winced as she disinfected them and pulled down her sleeves to mask any evidence that anything had happened. She wiped away her tears and made her way back to her bedroom. She flopped onto her bed and her crying began again. She could not help it and she despised herself for it. Not once had a friend, or a foe, or a boy made her feel this way and in two weeks she had let a stuck up bitch from high school, her parents, and a very mysterious guy she hardly knew get the better of her. _You're a fucking lunatic Violet._


	5. Chapter 5

Violet had not gone to school in two weeks and had not seen Tate either. She'd stayed in her room and listened to music while flipping through a magazine for the hundredth time. She had hardly eaten and her facial features were starting to look sunken. Tate had watched from the sidelines absolutely torn up and not knowing what to do and all Violet could think about was seeing him again.

When Violet slept she talked and Tate enjoyed their conversations. Violet would always dream about something related to Tate and would not stop saying his name. Tate got really curious one night and decided to strike up a conversation with comatose Violet.

"Tate…"

"Hey Vi."

"I…I…"

"It's alright Vi, I'm here."

"I've missed you Tate."

"I've missed you too Violet." Tate replied solemnly. He'd hated that she'd admitted that – that she'd suffered. It only made staying away all the more difficult. "Do you want me to come back?"

"Please." She whispered and then fell into a deep sleep. She rolled over onto her right side and her breathing slowed right down. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep – almost as if nothing could ever hurt her again. Tate loved seeing her this way. He felt at ease when she was. He watched her until the sun started to rise. Then he vanished.

Violet woke up in a haze. She didn't remember going to sleep last night and there was a foul taste in her mouth. She stretched her arms up over her head and forced her way out of her room. She saw her mother walking up the stairs and started to panic.

"Honey. Violet. Sweetie."

"God, what?"

"I'd like you to come downstairs with us for dinner. I think it would do us all good."

"Why do you care?"

"Because we love you and want to spend time with you."

"Whatever." Violet stated and then shut the bathroom door in her mother's face. She started running the water thinking of ways to get out of the damned family dinner but her parents would make her no matter what. "Shit." She made the water hot so that she could focus on every little drop burning into her skin rather than anything else. The water soothed her body and dampened all her thoughts. She could think clearly when she was in the shower.

She got out and dried herself off and headed to her room. When she walked in she thought she could feel something, a sort of presence but as soon as she had thought it, it disappeared.

"You're a fucking psycho Vi." She told herself. She took off her towel and began drying her hair. Tate didn't like to spy on Violet when she was intimate. He liked to leave things to the imagination just in case anything _did_ in fact happen between them. He respected her too much to spy on her with her being naïve to it. Violet picked out her favourite sweater and leggings and decided to wear boots even though she wasn't planning on leaving her room that day. Her hair always dried exactly the same way and she liked it because she never had to do anything with it. She spread herself over her bed and just lay there for hours. She tried not to think about anything, she wanted to train her mind not to think without being asked to so that way she would not feel pain if she didn't have to.

"Violet!" Her mother yelled from downstairs.

"_Great_." Violet huffed and started the excruciating journey down the stairs and into the dining room. She had not realised that she had been laying on her bed for that long. To her it was only lunchtime and she was not even hungry.

"Hello sweetheart."

"Dad." Violet replied coolly. Her mother had made a nice feast of roast chicken and vegetables with nice warmed bread but Violet just was not hungry. "Tell me, why're we really here?"

"Your mother and I are worried about you."

"And why would you start now? You better not shrink me."

"You haven't left your room, you barely eat. Honey, how're you feeling?"

"Who cares?"

"Violet, these are signs of depression. Look you haven't even touched your food tonight and your face is looking skinnier every time I see you."

"Why do you care? All you cared about was having that baby then you lost it. Oh and you cheated on mom because you _were sad_ as well. Both of you are so full of shit and I'm sick of it." Violet then got up and stormed out of the room.

She opened the door to her bedroom and slammed it shut behind her. She slumped against it for support. When she looked up she saw a familiar but angering face.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed through her teeth.

"You asked me to come back – in your sleep."

"_Why'd_ you come back? You don't even like me."

"What gave you that impression?"

"You just called me beautiful out of sympathy, you think I'm pathetic."

"Violet, you _are_ beautiful. I think you're the prettiest most beautiful girl I've ever met."

"Then why'd you blow me off?" She asked, sounding hurt.

"I didn't realise I wanted you at the time. Violet…"

"Don't, you've done enough." She turned away from him but as she did Tate was right in front of her. He grabbed her hands in his and placed a kiss on each one of them.

"Violet, you are an amazing human being and I promised you I would never do anything to hurt you and I'm sorry that I broke that promise." He kissed her hands again. "I don't ever want to hurt you again, I will always be here for you and I never want to see you suffering." Violet looked up at him. She could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"Ok." She smiled and leant into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. They both felt like nothing could hurt them again.


End file.
